A life laid bare…
I found this in a journal; not quite sure when I wrote it:
I’m tired of lies, spun tightly and clumsily in the darkness; lies to myself, my God – my treasured.
I’m tired of wasted moments strung like Christmas popcorn – Christmas perfect that will never come because I refuse to accept beauty as anything but a reflected lie – the popcorn rotting and stringy mud – stinking of death. Yet I wear it proudly!
I’m tired of hurting those I love yet refusing to acknowledge the hurt in light of my smiles and stupidity – refusing to reveal the love for fear of the hurt. How stupid a smiling fool am I!
I’m tired of holding back the dreams of my treasured! I should know and strive more readily in my youth, yet I stagnate like an old hobo, tired from doing nothing - tired from not trying!
I love life: the veins in the leaves of a towering oak, the laughter of my treasured as she dances with her Savior. But why will my wall not fall? Where is the willingness to scale its towers? Will no One destroy it?!? Or do I not see the door, plain and open right in front of me? I’m tired of being blind.
I will not be blind, for I once knew a blind man.
He died without a Light.
Please God, turn on the Light…
-MB
This is beautiful to me. What a realization that we can become so tire of doing nothing. I personally am exhausted from this very thing. When will I desire obeydience to my Savior over the nothingness of this mundane life? When will I fully understand how my actions and lack of actions bear consequences on the whole world?
Amen. I’m ready to see a different side of this life we call Christianity. I just wish I knew where the light switch was.